I don’t really know much about blogging, but I thought it’d be a good idea to give an introduction. I hope you find our story interesting, but really…this is more like my journal, with some tips on the side.
Becoming a mom was life altering enough; having an autistic son changed my whole life perspective.
First, my name is Shayla. My son and only child, Braxton, was diagnosed with autism before he was two years old. He’s now 20. I was a young mother, and a single mother most of the time.
I have virtually no family support.
We’ve lived in 3 different states, and in each of them, I’ve had to find autism services, resources, doctors, and schools the hard (and ridiculous) way: by word of mouth.
“What Is Autism?”
Yeah, sorry, not the point of this blog. If anyone reading this wants to know what autism is, or the signs and symptoms, or how a person is diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder), just Google it.
You’ll get over 2 billion hits, trust me.
In fact, that’s a large part of my current frustration. I don’t need to know how to recognize autism or the importance of early intervention.
That’s ancient history for us, and quite frankly, probably one of the most boring autism topics I’m ever asked about.
Salty, eh? Yeah, well, you would be, too, if someone asked you if you thought your child got autism from vaccines at least once a week for the last 18-ish years.
If I were a morning affirmations sort of person, I’d have to tell myself, “You are patient. You are not going to punch anyone in the throat today,” on the daily.
And maybe this happens to you, too. You’re reading this for a reason, right?
Side note: Instead of affirmations, I took up running. No cure for violent thoughts like endorphins. Also, there is no evidence of a link between vaccines and autism.
The Actual Point of This Blog:
Here’s the deal, folks: I’ve been doing the Braxton Mom thing for a long time- over half my life now.
I’ve become a pro at a great deal of autism-related things, from school to services to resources (a.k.a. paperwork, paperwork, meetings, paperwork, phone calls, meetings, appointments and paperwork).
I have probably become at least 90% autistic myself through osmosis or something.
You would think that by this point in Braxton’s life, I would be well past any floundering around, trying to figure out what to do for him or which direction to take, or who I need to talk to for resources.
And yet, here I am. Floundering. Again.
A. The Great Transition (Or, Autistic Son Grows Up)
In the Special Needs Universe (not an actual place), there comes a point in time at which your child will leave “child services,” and will need to transition to “adult services.”
This is called Transition to Adulthood (you heard that in a booming voice, didn’t you?) and it is a very pivotal time in your child’s life.
Many parents aren’t aware of this, but the services your child was eligible for as a minor change once they reach adulthood. Change, and are much harder to obtain.
You’d expect there to be just as many resources available for transition as there are for early childhood intervention. I mean, they are equally important.
I expected it, anyway . . . yeah, that was dumb.
At the least, I thought if I started making a plan for transition early enough, then by the time it was…uh…time, it would be easy. Smooth. Just another day in the life, you know?
So when Braxton turned 16, that’s what I set out to do.
B. We Did It! Not (Or, Autistic Son Grows Up But Services Do Not)
Four years later, and I’m hardly any further along this process than when I started.
Ever been so frustrated you wanted to pull out your own eyeballs? Oh, no, me neither. Maiming yourself is NOT an adaptive coping skill.
A somewhat (okay, maybe a lot- I’ll own it) dark and irreverent sense of humor helps, though. Just saying.
. . . please don’t have me committed.
C. To Help Others While Helping Myself (Or, Mom of Autistic Son Combats Burnout)
Anyway, I figured if I documented my experiences while trying to transition Braxton to adulthood, and my experiences navigating services in general, it might accomplish a few things.
One, I’m hoping it’s cathartic because heaven knows, the stress is eating me.
Two, I’m trying to open myself back up to others.
I’ve closed off quite a lot in the last couple of decades because I’m exhausted and because sometimes it’s just too much effort trying to relate to people with drastically different life experiences.
You know? They find out I have an autistic son and they’re the ones that get uncomfortable. Act like I told them he died or something. Just makes me tired.
But isolation is kinda tiring, too, so I should try to stop.
Three, I was thinking that maybe my experiences might help another autism parent out there going through something similar because it truly is very frustrating.
I just want to help my son have a happy life. Trying to get literally ANYONE to help me figure out what I need to do to accomplish that is like pulling teeth.
With tweezers.
In any case, if this blog thing turns out well, I hope to relate all my Braxton Mom experiences. We’ll see. I wasn’t expecting blogging to be this much work.
Have I mentioned I’m tired?
Narrative VS Guidance
There are, of course, circumstances around some of the roadblocks and delays I’ve experienced in the transition process that are unique to our situation, and may not be very helpful to others.
Having an autistic son by no means equals having all the answers to navigating the system.
Also, I know there are many parents out there looking for resources more than someone’s personal story. I get it.
So I’ve decided that some of my posts will have a duplicate that’s more technical than journal. You can find them under the Guides tab in the menu.
In those, I’ll give more detailed descriptions of anything I’ve done, and I’ll make suggestions about what I might have done differently at those points if my situation hadn’t been what it was.
My actual personal experiences can be found under Our Story, like this post.
If you’re reading this, that’ll make more sense later, I promise. Hopefully.
For the time being, though, peace out. Having a child with special needs is pretty close to having a second job, and it’s time to get back to it…pretty sure I have paperwork somewhere that needs to be done.
Positive vibes to you all and welcome to A Life for Braxton.
If you’d like to know a bit more about Braxton, please read my post Meet Braxton and/or contact me.
P.S. If that ending was a bit too abrupt, sorry. Normally I just, you know, walk off at the end of an interaction. Like Braxton.
